I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

Assassin Story

My job is to kill, to murder, to destroy victims鈥?families and friends and to break their loved ones. It may not be the most glamorous job in the world, but it pays well and keeps me alive.

How can I do it? It鈥檚 simple. It鈥檚 a game. A game I cannot afford to lose.

My target this week is Tony Anderson, big shot businessman and a threat to my boss . The kill is simple - no blood involved just a deadly poison. Of course sometimes I feel like I鈥檓 living my life as a lie. Constantly swapping identities and dyeing my hair. I struggle to think of what I looked like when I started. What was I, 17? I was hopeless at school and left at 16. Which was why they liked me so much. Because I wasn鈥檛 that bright they could work on me with no hesitation. Teaching me techniques on how to kill quickly and efficiently, and how to cross a room unseen. Essential life skills really. But only for that kind of job. A job that once you鈥檙e in you鈥檙e in for life. Trapped. Like a fly in a spider鈥檚 web. Because if you even think about leaving you become a threat. And every threat has to be resolved.

I know what I鈥檓 doing. Tomorrow I set off on the cruise. 鈥淏liss鈥?I think it鈥檚 called, 鈥淎 gateway to heaven 鈥? I get on in an empty crate (so I don鈥檛 create any complications trying to get on without a ticket) . Then (while in the crate) I change into my waiter鈥檚 uniform ready for action. I find table 27 in the dining room and deliver the poisonous drink to my victim.

I鈥檝e just collected the drinks for table 27 and as I walk over I鈥檓 pouring the poison into the wine. Only a sip. Then in a matter of minutes he鈥檒l be dead. As I turn the corner I see him. Laughing his head off, probably at some dull, classic joke. But wait. There are two other people with him. Boss didn鈥檛 say anything about that. Not to worry. What ever happens, stick to the plan.

鈥淕ood afternoon sir,鈥?I said in my practised waiter鈥檚 voice ,鈥?am I right in thinking you ordered a bottle of wine for yourself and your companions?鈥?br>

鈥?Yes,鈥?he said with a grin,鈥?To celebrate my son鈥檚 engagement to the beautiful Charlotte鈥?

My heart missed a beat. This couldn鈥檛 be happening. Not her. Not now. Not my sister.

鈥淢ike? Mike? Is that you! Oh my goodness! What have you done to your hair? After so long鈥o letter? Nothing. You just thought you鈥檇 leave without a word. I suppose that鈥檚 your style isn鈥檛 it? You can鈥檛 face up to telling us that you thought you鈥檇 run away for five years. The only reason we鈥檝e met is because of luck! I should have known you wouldn鈥檛 want to see us again. Excuse me Ricky, Tony, I have to get some air.鈥?Charlotte said giving me a cold, dark stare as she rose from her seat.

My lips were numb. I couldn鈥檛 speak. I had to kill him or I would suffer but Charlotte? I loved her. It would break her heart if she knew what I was doing. And she would guess what my last five years of my life were spent doing too. Her chance of happiness and I would have to be the one to ruin it.

Luckily I didn鈥檛 have to speak because Tony stood up and gently but firmly pushed her down back on her seat.

鈥淣ow honey, don鈥檛 leave for that! Brother or not he鈥檚 a waiter for us and he should be the one to leave after all he鈥檚 done to you. Don鈥檛 worry about him! Ignore him, in fact. Because he means nothing to your life now that you can make a fresh start with us after your parents passed away in the fire. Anything you want. just ask - OK?鈥?br>

I finally realized what he had said as the words sunk in slowly but painfully. Mum and Dad. Gone. That鈥檚 why she was so angry with me, as if leaving wasn鈥檛 enough. Because I had left and my parents were heartbroken and Charlotte was the one who had to pick up the pieces. And now I couldn鈥檛 turn back the clock and apologise and be the perfect son because they were dead.

鈥?I want him to leave. And for us to forget this ever happened鈥?she said, staring at the cutlery.

But I couldn鈥檛 move. I had to see what happened. I had to make sure the drink was consumed and they didn鈥檛 leave otherwise the plan would go terribly wrong.

鈥?You heard her! Go!鈥?her fianc茅 shouted pushing me hard and creating silence in the room. Everyone was staring.

I turned to go, whispering sorry with a tear in my eye and looking at the shocked faces of the other passengers staring at me as if I had just landed on the planet and asked for a serviette instead of a napkin.

鈥?Now do you want to test the wine sweetheart?鈥?Ricky said pushing the glass with the poisoned wine towards her.

鈥淭hanks鈥?Charlotte said taking in her hands and moving it towards her mouth.

It seemed like slow motion then. I turned and ran towards her, not thinking about what I was doing. I knocked the glass out of her hand and it hit the floor with a satisfying crack. But it was too late. She had already taken a sip. Even quicker than I did Tony noticed the white powder on the tip of a piece of broken glass. As he drew out his gun I ran. The last thing I saw was my sister falling to the ground . When the shots started everyone screamed and there was panic. I successfully dodged 5 shots but unfortunately some innocent people didn鈥檛.

I watched helplessly as an elderly woman hugged her husband as he clutched his ribcage with blood spilling out. This was a disaster. I knew I probably wouldn鈥檛 make it out of there alive but I carried on running, drawing out my gun. I flew out of the double doors and skipped the stairs two at a time as I desperately tried to escape. I was on the top deck now and for a moment I saw people happily sipping their drinks by the pool. As soon as they saw the gun their faces turned white with fear. Now it was harder to run. I couldn鈥檛 see a path to freedom because everyone was pushing and shoving their way across the deck not knowing where they were going or who they were running from. I turned, thought I saw Tony and shot wildly, hitting a young woman. Now I was worried. I had no idea where Tony was. In all the chaos my only thought had been to get away.

I tripped over a chair which had been thrown to the floor and hit my head on the ground. I stood up dazed, my head dizzy when at last I saw him. I took aim and fired but missed again. But then I knew he had seen me. I saw him sprint towards me pushing and shoving his way through the crowd. He laughed as I walked backwards into a wall. There was nowhere to hide. He took from his pocket a dagger which he threw to trap my jacket collar onto the wooden wall behind me. I tugged and pulled but he had thrown well. I was stuck. This was the end.

The last thing I felt was the cold circular piece of metal placed upon my head before he fired.

The End

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

Sublime...just sublime. Thank you.

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

WELL'

YOU MIGHT CHECK ON BEING THE NEXT STEVEN KING

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

first of all I was almost about to give up reading it.IT WAS TO LONG FOR A SHORT STORY!lol

but besides that.....it was very good ur a good writer!

good luck hope u get an A+!

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

I think it is very very good. You have a flair for writing, and I hope your' teachers encourage you as much as possible. Is there a writing class you could join to help you develop your' style? I really think it would be a tragic waste if a talent like yours' did not receive encouragement. Well done sweetie.

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

that was wicked!

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

I HATE IT!!

well it ok

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

I really got into the story. I think it is very good. I read a lot but am not a critic of literature. I think it deserves a good grade.

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

I really, really like it! It is amazing, I couldn't stop reading it! A good amount of suspense and very realistic. I know this is just a short story, but if you like to write you could keep working on it like what happened after he got shot. I don't think he's dead if he wrote this, but I don't know how you want it. You did very well, I hope you get a good grade.

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

Nice! The beginning is like a common assassin story that made me wonder that "i think I know where this story's heading or its ending is predictable." But somewhere along you've brought a twist which is amazing that made me finish reading the whole story.

:D

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

WOW! Thats one fantastic story! It kept me reading, even though i wasnt bothered to read but the introduction drove me in. You have a talent, girl. You have just created a lovely piece of story, it got me emotional. I liked this line the best, "A job that once you鈥檙e in you鈥檙e in for life. Trapped. Like a fly in a spider鈥檚 web." Well done.

I have notes for you to keep in mind, it might help you become even a better writer:

- When something shocking happens in a story (i.e. when he was running away to save his life) you might wanna use shorter sentences. why, you may ask. I've learned this in my literature class. Shorter sentences make the story even more excitable, and shocking. Keeps people reading, and keep them on the edge of their seat; dying to know what will happen next.

- And if your teacher allows you to choose your own title, try to be creative. It makes people even more interested. Be creative, think of the main characters' characterists for suggestions, or an event in the story. for i.e "An Assassin Heartbeats" - for him being an emotional deep inside, even though, he is not meant to be.

- And never write 'The End', we are in the 21 century people struggle to be original :-)

- Another tip: you might wanna use a better vocabulary in some words, but keep it simple is good as well. dont worry about this much.

Good luck with your story, please keep writing!

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

WOW. That was amazing! I'm only in 7th grade and my dream is to become a writer. That was an inspiration! Don't EVER stop writing because that had to be the best short story I've ever read. You'll be famous one day! =]

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

Very nice. Why can't we have more writing of this calibre, people? Take note. And your sentence lengths being short and to the point are all very good- makes it more appropriate for an assassin to talk like that.

I have just written a short story for my english class- please tell me what you think!!!?

well it is a rather interesting piece i will give you that but i did have alot of trouble visualizing the actual charters i mean if your writing and your main piece is an assaisain he is going to see every single thing in a scene the appearance the smells and telltale marks that could be a concealed weapon all of that. but other than that given it was a short story it was a very well written piece