Thinking about writing a book about my brother. What do you think as a begining?

Letter to Tyler

Category: Writing and Poetry

I am so afraid, afraid of forgetting your smiling face, forgetting the sound of your wonderful laugh. The thought of not remembering you just sends chills down my back and just makes my heart shatter into a million pieces. It gets harder as the days go on and as the months turn into years I'm always told "you will never forget" but the memories just become fainter. I never will forget that you were my brother but I'm still scared, scared of forgetting the memories. All the memories just start to mesh into one as time goes on, to were I can only remember 3 instead of 100. Except that one鈥hat one memory, the one that just wont leave my mind鈥ike a bad record player that keeps repeating itself. The one memory of me having to see you just lay there looking like you were asleep, but not hearing the slow soft sound of your breathing or the steady beat of your chest moving up and down. The one memory of knowing you would no longer be able to smile or laugh or cry ever again. Some days that's the only memory in my mind and I cant remember any of the happier moments. You were my big bro, my go to guy, who I knew would always be there for me or be there for a laugh and a smile. Of all the memories that I could remember, I cant, all I can remember is that one, just that one day, the day were my life, my world changed indefinitely, July 12, 2003. I will always remember you and I will never forget, but I'm still afraid, afraid of forgetting everything about you, that one little freckle, that beautiful twinkle in your eye, or those natural highlights in your hair.

Four years one month and 15 days is when it happened. When mom woke up finding you laying there pale and hyperventilating . When I came into the room a minute later from hearing mom scream for help I was so scared, I couldn't handle being in there, I was scared of the way you looked of the way you were breathing, just of everything about you. I practically ran from the room. I remember daddy being on the phone, calling for the ambulance while mommy was brushing your hair with her fingers. I tried so hard to stay in the room with everyone, but it was just to hard to see you like that. I remember holding Misty while escorting the EMT's into your room. I stayed close to mom, she made me feel a little bit better. After hearing her rattle off all of your medications, they brought you out strapped to the stretcher. They told us you would be fine, the had us give you a kiss and said you would be back later. We had no idea. Daddy followed the ambulance to the hospital. Me and mommy stayed home. An hour went by, finally some news. Daddy told us that your breathing had finally calmed down and you were being brought into X-rays, he said he would call back soon. Another hour went by, mommy started to get worried, we called the hospital. Finally someone came on the phone, "How fast can you get here?" . The rest was a blur鈥creaming, crying, racing to the hospital. When we got there daddy was waiting for us outside. His face stained from tears. As they walked us into the hospital, I was confused and na茂ve I thought maybe just maybe you were still alive and you were just in a coma or something like that. As I finally walked into the room and they pulled back the curtain, I knew something just wasn't right. You looked so peaceful as if you were sleeping, but there was no breath. Still I was na茂ve, I gave you a hug, and then mom sat down next to you and held your hand. Still I couldn't stand it and I left the room, and went outside. Next thing I knew a nurse was calling for me, daddy wanted to see me. They pressed the button and the doors swung open, there was dad just standing there as if he knew I was next to walk through those door. I ran into his arms, all I could say was, "I don't want him to die, I don't want him to die." and then the words I was dreading and the ones I was denying slipped from his lips, "He's gone". The whole world started to spin and I just didn't want it to be true. How could it be true, you were my big brother and you were always suppose to be there for me. For one last time I forced myself back into the room were your body lay so peaceful鈥ou still had color in your checks. Mommy, daddy and I stood over your body with the hospitals pastor, who said a beautiful prayer for you. For the last time in my life I gave you a kiss on the forehead and a brush on the arm鈥 was to scared to give you a hug because I knew you couldn't hug back. To this day I wish I stayed longer even if it was just 5 minutes. Driving away from the hospital was the hardest thing ever. You were in my mind the whole time, just the thought of not having you as a brother was slowly breaking me down until I couldn't be broken down any more. I went into denial, I couldn't believe that you were gone, it just couldn't of been true鈥t was just a horrible nightmare, but unable to wake up. I stayed in denial the rest of the day, even though I was calling all the family to let them know you passed. Lynda flew in from North Carolina to try and help out the family, people were constantly coming over with gifts or to just clean the house. People doing dishes, people doing laundry, someone was vacuuming at one point. So many people in and out of the house, there was no time to think. That night I slept, and when I woke up in the morning you still weren't there. And the next morning and the next. As the days turned into months and months into years it never became easier that you were gone, and still 4 years later it's not any easier. I will always love you big bro and hope you are happy being free and able to do all the things you could never do. I love you.

Love,

Lil Sis

Thinking about writing a book about my brother. What do you think as a begining?

This is really poignant, and I am SO SORRY about your brother! There are some grammar problems, but I wouldn't worry about that now. Write the story from beginning to end and THEN proofread. I know people will want to read it.

Are you going to use this as a preface to your story and then have chapter one be - for instance - your earliest recollections of your big brother and each chapter going on from there? Maybe go full circle with what you've already written being the prologue as well as the ending (adding the whys at the end, too, if you know them)? Then adding an epilogue...how you are all doing in these four years since his passing? (I put these as questions, because I'd like to know. I also think that might be a good way of telling it.)

I wish you and your family the comfort you need to go on and strength, too...blessings! (Keep in mind that while memories and mental pictures may dim, your loved one will never leave your heart!)

Thinking about writing a book about my brother. What do you think as a begining?

Oh my, you brought tears to my eyes. You just have to live one day at a time, although its hard and unimaginable. You should write this book, after proof reading it can a great book and for one will buy it and read it.

Thinking about writing a book about my brother. What do you think as a begining?

Very good. Remember as much as you can, writing it down will help you remember. You might never get it published, but you'll have memories that will last you a lifetime. If you don't write it, it's lost.

D

Thinking about writing a book about my brother. What do you think as a begining?

Tyler's Lil Sis, I too am sorry for your loss. My brother has died also, but he was a grown up and the loss and pain weren't as shocking as your brother's death. You have expressed yourself very well and I hope you will write your book for yourself, for Tyler, maybe even for your parents some day. I could see you really doing a book of this and I think it would be a good way to memorialize your brother's life. My relationship with Jesus Christ helps me with the death of both my brothers and my Mom. He comforts me with the pain and loneliness of not being able to see, hear or touch them again. I can't write my losses into a story because our family was very messed up and there was too much tragedy and not enough love. That's not the way it is for you and I hope that your writing will somehow ease the suffering of remembering and remove your fear of forgetting. God Bless You and Your Family, Lil Sis